How Your Brain Could Be Hijacking Your Confidence, and What You Can Do About It.
Have you ever asked yourself how you decide to step on it and go for that newly opened parking spot at the shopping centre you just spotted, or how you quietly move out of the way when someone seems like trouble (without any real evidence)?
It might feel like a conscious decision. But beneath the surface, your amygdala, the brain’s emotional alarm system, is often unconsciously making the choice for you, hijacking your ability to think and act clearly and confidently.
And when that part of your brain takes over, it runs one of two simple programs:
🔴 Fight = Team “Go For It”
Push forward. Take control. Confront. Fix it now.
🔵 Flight = Team “Let It Be”
Withdraw. Avoid. Numb out. Keep the peace.
Keep in mind, both responses are protective and emotional, not logical. They activate when your nervous system perceives a threat, even if there isn’t one. This might show up when you're speaking in public, avoiding a difficult conversation, or freezing up in the hallway when your boss asks a question you know you have the answer to. And here’s the catch: Most of us get stuck in one team. Not by conscious choice, but by unconscious habit. It is like having your house robbed again and again by the same burglar.
I’ve seen this time and again in my work. Let me introduce you to two people I’ve worked with in the past.
Meet Tom: The Fast-Talking Presenter
Tom was recently promoted. It was a well-earned step forward, except now he was presenting to executive leadership every month. And every time he stepped up to speak, his nerves kicked in hard.
From the outside, Tom looked confident. But inside, his amygdala was firing. He was deep in Team Go For It, only it wasn’t working in his favour. He coped by talking fast, over-explaining, and powering through his points without pausing. His slides were overloaded. His energy was frantic. He wasn’t connecting with the room; he was just trying to survive it.
What he didn’t realise was this: His audience could feel that urgency. And it left them unsure of him, rushed, ungrounded, and harder to trust. Tom didn’t need more knowledge; he needed to shift the state he was communicating from.
And Then There’s Xuan: The Silent Volcano
Xuan was a thoughtful, conscientious team leader. She came to me because she was holding in frustration about her manager repeatedly crossing boundaries with last-minute requests.
She knew it wasn’t sustainable. She knew she had to say something. But every time the moment came, her system froze.
Her mind fogged up. Her heart rate jumped. And she’d retreat, telling herself, “It’s not the right time. It’ll blow over.”
Xuan was stuck in Team Let It Be. And while everything looked calm on the surface, underneath it was bubbling.
That’s the thing about avoiding hard conversations: They don’t disappear. They just go underground, simmering like a volcano, until, eventually, they erupt at the worst possible moment.
You know that feeling, right?
Why We Get Stuck
What Tom and Xuan were experiencing is what’s often called an amygdala hijack, a term coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman to describe what happens when the brain’s emotional centre takes over the rational part.
Their responses, fight (Tom) and flight (Xuan), weren’t personality flaws. They were the brain’s protective instincts kicking in. But what works for survival doesn’t always work for communication and leadership.
What About You?
Take a moment to reflect:
When do you tend to push forward too fast, and does it serve you, or sabotage you?
When have you avoided a conversation or decision that needed to happen, only for it to resurface later, bigger?
Which team do you default to, Team Go For It or Team Let It Be, and how is it shaping your relationships and results?
You can’t change what you don’t notice. But the moment you become aware of your pattern, you gain the power to shift it.
Tiny Shifts, Big Changes
The path forward isn’t dramatic; it’s mindful. It’s about catching the moment your system starts to react…
And making space to choose something different. To spot the burglar as he approaches and make a different decision with confidence.
With some coaching and practice, Tom learned to slow down, feel his feet on the ground, and speak with measured clarity. He didn’t just sound more confident, he felt it.
Xuan developed tools to regulate her nervous system, find her voice, and express herself clearly without losing connection. That one shift transformed not just her relationship with her manager—but her sense of self-trust.
Let’s Make This the Moment You Take Your Power Back
If you recognise yourself in Tom or Xuan, you’re not alone. Most people operate on autopilot, stuck in fight or flight, wondering why their communication keeps falling short.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Let’s make this the moment you take your power back. Get in contact today and start making tiny shifts with a huge impact. Because the way you show up will change everything.