Be Present With the Unpleasant

You know that moment, we have all been there.

You're presenting, someone asks a question you weren't expecting and the room goes quiet for just a little too long.

And suddenly, you feel it.

The pressure.

Your mind starts racing. Your body tightens and you feel an almost physical urge to get through this bit and move on.

So, you speed up.

You add more explanation. You start searching for the perfect words while you're already speaking. Maybe you stop making eye contact because you're too busy trying to manage what's happening inside you.

Sound familiar? And here's the interesting part.

What if the thing making the moment harder isn't the question, the silence or even the pressure itself?

What if it's our instinct to escape the discomfort as quickly as possible?

The more you try to get away from it, the more it can show up in your delivery. A bit like a chinese finger trap, the more you pull the tighter it gets, and now your tone becomes tighter, your pace increases and your body language becomes less settled.

And the point you were trying to make doesn't get the space it needs to land and falls flat.

So, what if you tried something different?

What if, instead of trying to get rid of the discomfort, you could simply be present with the unpleasant?

Let's run a little thought experiment. Imagine you notice the tension without immediately reacting to it. You also notice the urge to rush and that your mind is racing.

Now, instead of following it, you chose to take a breath. You chose to come back to yourself first. Then you come back to the room.

And now, you come back to what you're actually trying to communicate.

Can you notice how much more “room to think” you have if you didn't need to make the discomfort disappear before you could continue?

That tiny moment of awareness, of allowance, gives you something incredibly valuable:

Choice.

You can choose your words rather than grabbing the first ones that arrive. You can choose your tone rather than allowing tension to choose it for you. You can slow your pace. You can make eye contact. And you can let the point sit for a moment instead of rushing to fill the silence.

And something interesting happens when you stop fighting the moment. You immediately become less tense.

The room often feels less tense with you and the lost connection starts to return.

Because connection isn't simply about reading the room. It's also about staying connected to yourself while you're in it.

Public speaking will probably always produce some sense of anticipation. It's a little like waiting in line for a rollercoaster. You know what's coming, your body knows what's coming, and your mind is trying to figure out if it's safe.

The goal isn't to eliminate that feeling. The goal is to become more capable of staying present and capable when you don't have complete control of the moment.

So, the next time you feel that familiar urge to rush through the uncomfortable bit, try these three steps and notice the difference.

1. Pause.

2. Breathe.

3. Become present with the unpleasant.

Then choose what happens next.

Because sometimes the space you create in a single breath is enough to change the entire direction of the presentation.