Shoot Your Shot

Trust starts when you stop trying to predict. 

This is the problem with trust I see all the time when it comes to public speaking or even speaking up in meetings and it is time to talk about it. So here is the truth.

You prepare for a meeting, you might even rehearse your presentation. You can know exactly what you want to say down to the last word. But no matter how much you prepare, it won’t tell you whether your message will actually land.

The reality is you will only find that out when you put it in the room.

I see this a lot with clients. They spend hours preparing for the moment, thinking through every possible question, imagining what might go wrong and rehearsing how they’ll respond.

And yet, the more they prepare, the more nervous they can become. Because preparation can quietly turn into prediction.

What if they disagree? What if they challenge me? What if I lose my train of thought? What if they don’t like my idea?

Gradually, we’re responding to a conversation that hasn’t even happened yet. And this hijacks our mindset and behaviour.

Think about a game of football, a team can feel confident. They can have a great strategy and synergy within the team, they might even believe they’re going to win. But the game isn’t won because they feel confident about winning.

They have to get the ball into the goal and play the time until the whistle blows. Only after the event has happened will the team have something tangible to go on.

Communication, whether on stage or in intimate meetings or difficult conversations works much the same.

You can prepare the best message you can. You can get crystal clear on your outcome. You can practise and frame the way you want to make your point. But at some point, you have to shoot your shot.

You have to put the message in the room, then notice what comes back. Only then will you have answers to the questions like: 

Did they understand?
Did they lean in?
Did you get a question?
Did their expression change?
Did they challenge the point?

That feedback is vital information. It is part of the conversation, much like the bill is part of your meal at your favorite restaurant. And this is where trust starts to become the pivotal point.

If you're already catastrophising the presentation or meeting before you've spoken due to overthinking it and wanting to avoid mistakes, your body will have nowhere to hide. 

The tension in your body, the pace of your voice, your facial expressions and the way you hold yourself all communicate something before your words have had a chance to do their job.

You might be saying, “I’m confident in this idea,” while everything else about you is saying, “I really hope you agree with me.” People feel that incongruence, maybe not consciously but certainly unconsciously because something in your message felt off.

So perhaps building trust isn't about becoming more confident before you walk into the room.

Perhaps it's about learning to trust yourself enough to enter the room without needing to know exactly how it will unfold.

So next time you need to speak in public, get clear on what you want to achieve. Prepare your message in a way that makes you feel confident about your delivery. Practise the best way to make your point.

And then trust yourself enough to put it into the room and work with what comes back and play the ball confidently.

Because if you want other people to trust you, first you will need to trust yourself.

And often that trust is as simple as knowing you don't have to get the whole game right before you've even kicked the ball.