That ‘Frustrating’ Coworker Isn’t Out to Get You, But Your Brain Thinks They Are

Here’s something that is as present a topic in my day-to-day routine as a communications coach as is coffee or tea for breakfast, and I thought it worthwhile sharing since I am very certain that you’ve come across this problem before, and maybe haven’t quite found a fix for it.

Have you ever thought about how different personality types communicate, and more importantly, how those differences can spark tension before anyone even realises what’s happening? 

If you’ve ever bumped heads with someone in a meeting or at a social event and wondered why the interaction felt off, it may have nothing to do with intent. 

You might already be familiar with the DISC personality model, and you know we find four types: Dominant, Influential, Steady, and Conscientious. Each has its own way of approaching people, decisions, and conversation.

Let me share with you a birds eye view example of a conversation I had just last week that perfectly illustrates this dynamic between a dominant personality and an analytical mind and the communication challenges this can bring.

This is the gist, dominant personalities value speed and results, the hammer and nail approach. They speak with authority, cut to the chase, and often gloss over details that seem non-essential to them. Analytical types, on the other hand, live deep in the details like nemo lives in a sea anemone. They need context, data, and reasoning before forming opinions or taking actions.

Now, imagine this dominant leader pitching an idea in a team meeting: “I’d like to roll this out by next week. Forget the small stuff, just make it happen.” 

The conscientious team member immediately jumps to questions: “But have we run all the risk assessments? Are all dependencies accounted for? What about the impact on X and Y?”

From the dominant’s perspective, the analyst is now slowing things down, overcomplicating, maybe even nitpicking unnecessarily and being obstructive. From the analytical’s perspective, the dominant is reckless, impulsive, and disregarding essential information creating unnecessary risk.

And just like that, unspoken opinions form. The dominant personality thinks, “This person can’t see the big picture.” The analyst thinks, “This person is careless and arrogant.”

Before long, these internal judgments leak out into behaviour. Clipped responses, rolling eyes, raised voices, or stilted body language make an appearance. Meetings become tense. Emails start to carry subtle undertones of frustration. Relationships fray. Productivity suffers.

Here’s an adapted real-world scenario from my work with an IT company:

Meeting Room: Monday 10 a.m.
Dominant (D): “We’re launching the new dashboard on Friday. Let’s make it happen guys, it has to be live.”
Analytical (C): “Wait, have all the integration tests passed? Did we confirm the API endpoints are stable? And what about the data security review?”

Dominant: [Sighs, leaning back] “Yes, yes. I trust the team. Let’s just move forward.”
Analytical: [Mentally ticking off all the unresolved issues, frustration rising] “But what if…”

At this point, the conversation could spiral. The Analyst starts withholding approval, the Dominant grows impatient, and the meeting ends with both parties silently resenting each other.

Now imagine a different approach. The Analyst takes a pause, notices their emotional reaction, and reframes:

Analytical: “I hear you, you want speed. Can you walk me through which tests have been completed and what we might need to monitor after launch?”

Suddenly, the Dominant feels acknowledged, and let’s be honest, we all love feeling acknowledged! The analyst gets the data they need. They walk out with shared understanding, and no one has “failed” the other.

But, it’s not just the office. Socially, these dynamics show up too.

At a dinner party, a dominant friend blurts out, “I can’t believe anyone still invests in crypto, it’s such a waste of time.”The analytical person hears this and immediately thinks, “Wow, this person is reckless and uninformed. How can they say that?”

The conversation could turn icy. You (the analytical mind) might withdraw, judging them silently, or even respond defensively. But if you take a step back, recognize the dominant friend’s blunt style, and ask a simple clarifying question:

Analytical: “Interesting. What led you to that view?”

The dominant person explains their reasoning off the cuff and with certainty in their tone. You now have insight into their thinking, and instead of silently building resentment, the conversation becomes curiosity-driven. The tension disappears. Connection forms.

Whether in professional or personal settings, conflict between Dominant and Analytical personalities is rarely about right or wrong. It is about differences in communication style.

Being mindful does not mean changing who you are. It means:

• Recognizing your natural communication style
  

• Observing the other person’s style without judgment
  

• Asking questions before forming opinions
  

• Reframing internal frustration into curiosity and understanding
  
  

This shift transforms interactions. Meetings run more smoothly. Social interactions feel less stressful. Relationships strengthen. Trust grows. 

And for leaders, this is not just about avoiding conflict. It is about unlocking the potential of diverse teams, where everyone’s strengths are leveraged rather than stifled by miscommunication.

Take a moment today to reflect:

• Are you a Dominant, direct personality who values speed, or an Analytical, detail-focused personality who thrives on precision?
  

• Who are the people you interact with most often, and how do their communication styles differ from yours?
  

• How can you apply empathy and curiosity in your next interaction instead of defaulting to judgment or frustration?
  

Being aware of and mastering the dance between personality types and communication styles does not just prevent conflict. It builds relationships that are stronger, smarter, and more resilient.

If you like help in navigating these dynamics, developing strategies to communicate across personality types, or leading teams with greater emotional intelligence, do what an influential person would do and reach out.