What if your instinct to fix the problem is actually making it worse every time you try and communicate it?

When you're wired for speed and resolution, pushing harder can feel like good leadership. But in difficult conversations, it can create more resistance, frustration and repetition.

Sometimes the smartest move is knowing when to stop squeezing and to do this instead.

Good intentions are not the same as clear communication.

In meetings and presentations, I often see people become very clear on what they don’t want to happen. They don’t want to sound pushy, get challenged, upset someone or get it wrong.

The problem? Knowing what you want to avoid doesn’t tell you where you’re trying to go.

Clarity gives your communication direction. It helps you know what you want to achieve, why it matters and what your audience needs to understand.

Because if you don’t know the outcome you’re aiming for, you can spend a lot of energy carefully avoiding the wrong things while still missing the mark.

We like to think we're making conscious decisions throughout a conversation or when we are speaking in public, but I suspect many of us are simply watching well-rehearsed patterns unfold. Patterns we've been reinforcing for years without ever questioning whether they're still serving us.

That isn't necessarily a problem. In fact, many of those patterns are incredibly useful and make life easy.

The problem arises when an old pattern takes over before you've had the chance to decide whether it's still appropriate.

There is a moment you might recognise when you speak in public. Let me paint a picture. You are in a meeting, a question comes your way, and suddenly the ground shifts. What you know does not disappear, but your access to it does. read more…

Here’s something that is as present a topic in my day-to-day routine as a communications coach as is coffee or tea for breakfast, and I thought it worthwhile sharing since I am very certain that you’ve come across this problem before, and maybe haven’t quite found a fix for it.

If you’ve ever bumped heads with someone in a meeting or at a social event and wondered why the interaction felt off, it may have nothing to do with intent but rather...

Every conversation is really two conversations: the one spoken aloud, and the one running silently in our heads. What haunts us isn’t the words themselves, it’s the story we build around them.

When feedback or comments trigger unmet needs, like fairness, recognition, or safety, we often slip into victim framing. Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about clarity or improvement; it’s about survival, identity, and self-protection.

The shift happens when we separate impact from interpretation. Feedback becomes information, not a verdict. We stay responsible for our feelings, ask clarifying questions, and move toward understanding, growth, and agency.

Conscious communication isn’t about perfection, it’s about noticing our internal narratives, staying accountable, and choosing responses that serve learning and connection rather than defensiveness.

Ever had a team member or colleague push back in a meeting, and suddenly your brain goes “ugh, here we go again”?

You’re not alone. Over the last decade, I’ve seen the same pattern play out in teams over and over, tension builds, collaboration stalls, and trust quietly erodes.

I just wrote a communication blog post about what’s really happening in our minds during those moments, and a simple mindset shift that can turn conflict into collaboration.

If you want to stop friction from stealing your team’s focus and energy, this one’s for you.

Read the full blogpost now →