Stop Squeezing the Problem Pimple

Why pushing for a quick fix keeps the problem alive 

I wonder if you know that moment when you realise that a conversation isn't going the way you want it to?

Let’s say someone isn't responding quickly enough. A decision is dragging. A colleague keeps making the same mistake and it is driving you up the wall. 

You can see the problem, you know what needs to happen, and your instinct is simple. Push harder and they’ll get it, right? Wrong! 

That instinct can feel like good leadership, you're taking ownership, you're creating accountability and most importantly you're moving things forward.

But sometimes, the harder you push for resolution, the more resistance you create.

And before you know it, the conversation that should have taken ten minutes has become a recurring issue, complete with frustration and office gossip.

Let me share a quick example of what I mean and then share a solution that will work much better than consistently pressing the issue. 

Dana runs operations, and she's direct, brisk, and results-focused, you know the type. When something's broken, she wants it fixed by Thursday, preferably by lunch.

So when her colleague Raj missed a handover again, Dana did what Dana does. She pulled him aside and pressed. "Let's sort this out now. What happened? What's the fix?"

Raj got defensive and gave her half an answer. Dana felt the problem still sitting there, unresolved, and it itched.

So she pressed again the next morning. Raj got shorter. By the third conversation he was agreeing to everything and changing nothing. 

Dana, now properly irritated, started picking at the old stuff too: the missed deadline from March, the tone in that email.

Sound familiar?

And so it becomes the pimple you can't leave alone. You notice it and begin to squeeze it because you want it gone. But squeezing irritates it. Irritated, it itches. You scratch, and now it's a small open wound. 

It's not resolved, so you come back and press again. Now it's red and angry, and before you know it, it's infected. Then you're poking the scab, peeling it, rubbing a little balm on it (a friendly chat, a "no hard feelings"), and it keeps festering.

All that irritation needed in the first place was for you to stop pressing it so hard.

A better approach, and I wonder if you agree, would be to consider a different question altogether. 

You see, the leaders who get restless when things move slowly are wired for speed and resolution, and that's a real strength in a crisis. But in a difficult conversation, "how do we solve this quickly?" is often the very thing inflaming it rather than solving the problem.

So, what would happen if you ask this instead: "How do I not inflame this?"

Think about it, wouldn't it be nice to walk into that conversation calm, curious and unhurried, and have the other person lean in instead of dig in? The solution tends to arrive faster when you stop dragging it out of them.

And if your communication styles aren't aligned, the pace will frustrate you. Watching someone calmer than you or more analytical work through a problem can feel like watching an ocean liner fade into the distance. Slow, yes, but it does get there. Your job is to stop trying to tow it.

Today's mind game: the 3-second release

• Pick one conversation today where you feel the urge to press. Before you say the next sentence, do three things:

• Drop your shoulders and exhale slowly.

• Ask one open question, then stop talking.

• Count to three silently before you respond, notice the difference.

That's it. Small, daily actions that compound over time. Do it ten times this week and notice how many "wounds" never form.

So, before you press again, next time you feel that itch to push for the answer right now and squeeze that problem pimple, ask yourself: am I solving this with my actions, or inflaming it?

Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a forward moving attitude while leading from behind.